Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Welcome to Hump Day! Now...I know this is a famous person, but I post this picture because this is who people want for Roarke from the In Death series by J.D. Robb.
...I completely agree. Very fucking hot.
Anyway, today I went to work with Mom and it blizzard, of course I took pictures! I'll post them sometime without a doubt!
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
~I’m a really forward person to people I know, but other than that. I’m painfully shy.
~If you stick me in front of a guy that’s good looking and is talking to me, I get slightly stupid and stutter.
~If you stick me in front of a guy that’s good looking and taller than me who talks to me, I get extremely stupid and forgot how to form complete sentences.
~I’m currently taking Kendo.
~I’m a really picky eater, so much so that it used to drive my parents crazy, but I’ll eat sushi. O_o
~I plan on completing my Japanese language skills and using it for something some day.
~I want to be a teacher, and moonlight as a writer.
~Currently (and for a few years)I’ve been trying to write a vampire book, though was discouraged when vampires became all the rage again.
~I secretly want to be able to draw well enough to draw a smutty scene from my book.
~When I’m irritated or upset I push my hands through my hair constantly.
~Music always calms me down, but also controls my emotions in bad ways as well.
~I can never keep my head out of the clouds...always imagining things and daydreaming and love doing it as an escape.
~I lack self confidence when dealing with a romantic relationship but with everyone else they think I’m full of confidence.
~Even though I always dress lazily, I enjoy it when I dress up and look good, but I’ll never say it out loud and when going out, always feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.
~I’m brave about sex in my head, as soon as I mess around with someone I feel awkward and idiotic, which is really irritating.
~I admire my mother, and I think I will never be good enough to be her daughter.
~I want to do something impossible.
~I’ve pet a tiger before
~I painted a picture for Mom, and was actually kind of proud of it.
~No matter how hard I try, I am still afraid of thunderstorms. >.>
~I regret a lot of things in life, but honestly wouldn’t change them for the world no matter how much I complain about my past.
~I’ve had a katana since I was sixteen.
~I learned to swim so well because I’m afraid of drowning, and I can’t swim in dark water, even in a pool.
~I thought about being a stripper once, if I were skinny...
~I will become someone.
I tag everyone who reads my blog.
Back to writing!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Alas, I need alot of work. I was nervous and more nervous and need to practice.
I don't look forward to waking up in the morning, maybe my muscles will just heal overnight?
I'm hoping to clean my room tomorrow, do my laundry including bed sheets. Make lemon bars, eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with healthy snacks in between, stay away from sodas, fix the wireless router that needs to be secured, fix the cable box in the TV room so mom can watch her shows on the big screen with squishy chairs, give the dog a bath, clean the mouse cage, maybe make cream puffs, clean the kitchen and bathrooms and write.
I wonder how much of that I'll be getting done...? Votes anyone?
I slept until nearly one yesterday after being forced out of bed at nine thirty to eat pancakes that I'm pretty sure I would have been okay not eating then escaped back into the warm bliss of a bed as soon as I had finished stuffing the mass of bread like substence down my throat at warp speed.
There I stayed until Mom shook me awake so we could go and see a movie, she wanted to see Bride Wars, it was cute, not as funny as I'd hoped but cute none the less. Then for the rest of the day we just kind of bumbled around and talked and I do mean talked about everything it was kind of cool.
We bought 10 Things I Hate About You and watched it together and cracked up. Heath Ledger is so very hot in that movie I was fanning myself everytime he gave that wonderful smile of his.
Moving onto today, I'm procrastinating going outside because it's cold and snowy so I was looking online bored like and ran across the challenge. The challenge is to try something new every week...so this week I stepped up to the challenge by, wearing red lipstick!
Dun dun dun, really challenging huh? It is for me! I hate stuff on my lips, and hardly anyone can pull off bright red, and I do mean bright and vampire-y. Anyway, here's the picture!
I don't think I pull off red well. Then again, I don't think I pull off pictures well. ^^;
Kendo tonight! Might post about it later, time to go out to the post office in the snow!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Even though I didn't do anything this time around I sat and watched them practice for three hours and thought to myself. "Oh hell yeah, I can do that." And so I shall starting Monday!
I am so excited!!!
I'll probably post more later!
Friday, January 23, 2009
No, not the kinky punishment, but the grounded for life kind because I'm not writing like I should be. And what I do write isn't the thing that's going to be making me any money. I need help, a push...something. I tried to get my parents to help me out with that, but they're not so good at it. It's like, it needs to be homework or something...
I was going to write today, work on my book, I swear I was. Then I turned on Dad's computer, got online and was kicked off because of some fucked up service provider cancelled our service. So instead, I spent the day fixing the internet before Dad could come home and flip out on me.
Oh well, I doubt I'll write any tonight. Lazy as hell...
Kendo tomorrow! Finally I'll get to write about that!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
How I still love that show. It's so...awesome.
So I slept all day basically, well until nearly three and then watched ReBoot, then House, then ReBoot and more ReBoot. I'm feeling better already.
Will try for Kendo on hump day.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I stood, staring at my reflection after I got out of the shower and for once, I didn't hate myself. I didn't wish I would dissapear. I wished I could break the mirror, and somehow break everything in my past that made me who I am today.
I wanted to start with my father, take out all of the horrible expierences I've had with him, just try to remember the good ones because no matter how hard he's trying today, when he slips it all comes crashing back down. The man who used to beat the child verbally because he couldn't shake that fact that he is like his mother, and the child is him.
I want to erase good memories of my Uncle Michael, so when he's so completely nasty and mean to me and my mother now I can just build up a soild wall of hate and not have to worry about thinking "But oh, he was like my father when my real one wasn't here."
I want to erase moving back to Greensboro, which was something that changed everything in my life, from Becca, to Jennifer and Jared, to Kassie and Eric always fighting and I getting placed in the middle of verbal and physical violence.
I need to erase the memories of watching my dog take his last breath, because I can't think about him and the wonderful life he had without being yanked back into the image of the green vet room, of the drugs taking a bit too long to stop his heart, of how I let someone kill my best friend and never once tried to protect him from it.
I don't need to erase Jared now, those memories have locked themselves away and how he is now helps push them away further, but I do need to erase Jennifer who is not anything like the girl I used to know. It's unfair to her to remember her like she was, and unfair to myself and my own mental state to think our relationship could be anything like it was before.
I am going to erase some things. People lock away memories all of the time, and I am going to do the same. But most importantly, I'm going to harden myself. Somehow after highschool and the year with Jared I got weak, I let too many people in and I get hurt too many times. So I've made an important decision, I'm going to go back to my ways in highschool and no one is going to get in.
I walked back into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror for a long time, then I pulled back my hand and I shattered it.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I wonder what I was dreaming about...hm...
I spent the day out with Mom, Uncle John, his woman Scottie (Who I really hope he marries) and Scottie's adopted daughter Lauren who is seven. We had a good time, well, sort of, as Uncle John hit Dick's Sporting Goods we stayed there for over an hour while he checked out golf clubs that are waaaay too expensive for something that feels like if you bashed it into someone's head it would break. We then went out to eat dindin at an italian place which was very, very good.
After stuffing our faces (for once I didn't eat too much) we then went across the street to a McDonalds Play Place for Lauren who wanted to climb around the tubes and slide on the nifty looking slides. We were actually there for nearly two hours, which wasn't horrible. I had a good time watching her play and listening to my uncle talk about work (he's a second grade teacher).
As we went home I noted that my medicine was starting to wear off, and my mood was going with it, so as soon as I popped into the down I downed what medicine I could and started making cream puffs for Scottie since she likes them.
Now I'm sitting here, at the kitchen table, debating on whether or not I should off myself because I have cramps, my nose keeps running, my right eyeball is watering unnaturally and if I cough one more time my head is going to roll off my shoulders and hit the floor with a rather nasty *splat* sound.
So, I said I would post pictures, I lied since that would involve duking it out with my still very irritatingly broken laptop and it's fucked up power cord once again.
(Of course, I felt too horrible to go to Kendo-bu and feel sick just thinking about missing out on it. But I will definately be going on Monday!)
I have nothing else new to report, except for the odd and irritating feeling like I'm forgetting something, or something's missing, or something's wrong. Don't you hate that?
NaiNai, sweet dweams and awl that jazzums.
Friday, January 16, 2009
I get up at one, go into the other room, look up some stuff online for Mom and chat back and forth with her on e-mail for a bit.
I look at the clock, it's two-thirty. So I get up, get something to eat (healthy lunch consisting of left over cheese fries from the other night, who feels like a cow? I do!) then I get in the shower. An hour later I manage to drag myself out from under the hot water, get dressed and then Mom comes home and I haven't done ANYTHING to help with the house.
Luckily I got a good wind and helped her clean for a few hours, then just kind of zombied around after running out of steam like well, a zombie. We finished cleaning and she bought me a pepermint hotchocolate from starbucks and we went to a few stores to pick up some things, including drugs for me and my sick body I'm contained in.
Now I'm feeling better under the guise of many different drugs that probably shouldn't have been mixed and wondering if brains sounds good for dinner.
Hope I feel good enough to go to Kendo-bu tomorrow.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The kicker is, I know I'm sick even though I spent half the day trying to convince my father it was just allergies and I know tomorrow I'll feel worse, and tomorrow I was supposed to go to Kendo-bu for the first time. Now I can't see that happening considering I don't want to give any new possible friends the shit I've somehow contracted and it's only supposed to be 18 degrees out and I can't afford to get anything that will make me have to go to the doctor since I have no insurance.
This just sucks...
Two posts in one day, that makes me feel kind of...loser-ish, then again being sick makes me feel all sorts of horrible things.
If anything can kick my ass, a sore throat and leaky nostrils can with the help of chills and I pray to god not the fever that's crawling along my skin.
Fuck a duck and kiss my ass you miserable piece of shit that is evading my immune system.
I was searching online since, well, I have nothing better to do at night and decided that I was going to throw caution to the wind and find myself something to do during the week nights. I flipped through all sorts of clubs then was bowled over by a Japanese club at the University of Kentucky. So I e-mailed the president of the club to ask if I could join even if I didn't go to UK and he was totally enthused at the thought of a new memeber. So guess who's the newest member of JCIKS?!
I am! Sooo excited, they do things like festivals and go to resturants and have t-shirts and everything (Lots more but my brain is too revved to think). I cannot tell you how much I am loving this. The only slight hitch is that they meet on Thursdays every other week for right now at 7:30pm, but I have to bowl for my mother in her work league then. There'll just have to be a compromise.
But wait, it gets better and when I mean better, I mean orgasmically so.
Even though I found the club of my dreams in JCIKS I found something even more exciting and that will take my weightloss wants to a whole new level...a Kendo-bu club!!!
Okay must remain calm...okay...the entire club is made up of actual japanese people (mostly guys) with a few females on the side lines and only one white guy. I am so fucking excited to be taught Kendo which is on Mon, Tues, and Fri with occasional Sat. from 8-10pm by actual certified instructors!
The greatest part is, the Kendo club is absolutely free and they have equipment for me to borrow!
Oh man, I am nearly bouncing off my bed in excitement, Friday cannot come fast enough which by then I'll be nervous as hell but still excited. XD!!!~
Now time to get back to my movie so I can finish it, go to sleep to wake up for more job hunting and get enough rest to bowl well tomorrow.
Fucking god...if I can even sleep. ^_____^
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Welcome to hump day! Half way to the weekend and we're coasting downhill from here!
My day was full of useless job searching once again, useless because of course nothing popped once again. Now I just have to wait until Mom gets home with her laptop so I can fill out even more online applications. Yay.
Whatever happened to applying in person? On paper? What is wrong with these people?I'll never get hired if people don't meet me in person, my history just sucks that badly.
The Cream Puffs were a total and complete success. I'll post some pictures tomorrow!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
This is so not the special thing I was talking about...I was just bored. But since tomorrow is hump day, I think I'll do the special post on hump day to get myself (and whoever else reads this) over the hump of the week!
Now I'm off to make cream puffs, I'll take pictures I'm sure!
Monday, January 12, 2009
...I've been getting those a lot lately.
The day, as it were (my day) started at 6 o'clock this morning or sometime around then when my mother opened my door and so very graciously flipped on the over head light, blinding me for the rest of my natural life.
Okay, so it wasn't that bad, but at the time I felt as if some evil little pixie had dropped miniature boulders onto my eyeballs that wouldn't roll anywhere, they just stuck like a spork in a bowl of jello. Must I mention, not even the good kind of jello, it was all bad.
I rolled out of bed, choked down breakfast (everyone knows it's un-natural to eat before the sun rises, unless you've been up all night) that consisted of cheese grits, cheese eggs, a glass of milk and a slice of toast with grape jelly. Normally this breakfast would appeal to me, today it just made my stomach roll with uncomfortable motions that reminded me that maybe I should really stop stuffing my face as if someone was behind my trying to take it from me.
Breakfast ended on a low note, that being me hitting the bed once again when my mother informed me that it was silly to wake up at six anyway, that leaving the house by ten to look around for jobs is the best time to go...it took me nearly thirty minutes to go back to sleep then before I knew it, my alarm was going off and my father was shouting up the stairs at me to make sure I was awake.
"Skeets," he yelled. "Are you up?"
"Yeah!" The standard, high school like answer was my reply. Everyone knows that means that I was still laying in bed, faking an awake voice with my eyes closed and my brain still stuck in a dreaming state.
I hit the snooze button until he called to me again, then I got up and got ready for the day ahead. Now usually, I can dress up for a job and look in the mirror and think "Hey, I'd hire this chick." Today though, even though I was wearing one of my best outfits it didn't seem like enough. Oh well, I'm sure it was just my imagination.
I left with the house key (that only seems to open the garage door) the garage door opener, my purse, a jacket (which I never used) and Mom's GPS, because it's Lexington, and I'd so get lost.
I went to the first place on my mind, KinderCare where I spent nearly and hour and a half filling out a never ending application and only had a two second interview with the head of the place. Which of course was a real shocker since the woman who filled out an application right before me ended up in the office for nearly thirty minutes. Oh yeah, I was really going to get that job...not.
I then moved on to various other places for a few hours, nothing popped with the exception of a part time employment at an Office Max.
Hey, I need money, I'll take it while I continue looking. But of course Dad's reaction was nothing but negative, of course...did I say of course? I need a job, beggars can't be choosers right now and money is money, no matter how you look at it.
So, onward tomorrow for yet another round of job hunting. Wish me better luck than I had today.
Tomorrow is Tuesday, and Tuesday means something special on the post...oh don't you just love surprises?!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
What does that even mean?
The case of my Monday, this Monday would be a severe look at the jobs around town where I will slave away like the rest of the billions of people on this dying not so little planet to a boss who is most likely going to be an ass, to costumers that are most likely going to suck my brain cells dry (I DO live in Kentucky you know) and to a job that I probably won't like at all. Alas, there is a small yet bright little light of hope at the end of the dark and miserable tunnel of tomorrow. I may just get the job of my dreams, I shall be the worlds first money making, fat hooker! Okay, so not really; mainly because I'm just plump, not really fat and otherly because I'm sure many large women make a few bucks blowing off some diseased homeless man in a dark alley.
There are four job openings, count them, four, openings at a local school. It's called KinderCare, and is a Pre-school for the little growing monsters on this planet.
Please, dear god whom I don't believe in, if I get this job I might just convert.
One more thing, dear invisible friend in the sky...if you could kindly keep the horrible, toxic, nose hair melting puppy farts down to a min.; at least while he sleeps on my pillow by my head it would be greatly appreciated.