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Friday, July 2, 2010

My Dream

I was living with him, my cousin. In a small house that had a kitchen through the carport entrance with white linoleum floors and white walls. It was Jill's house in real life, in my dream it belonged to Nathan and I.

I don't remember how it started, just the traumatic feeling of being stuck inside of it.

I woke up slowly, to the sound of music coming from the room down the hall. I grumbled a bit to myself and stood, getting dressed and moved to his room. The sun was bright in the house, and his bed had dark covers.

Then my memory skips.

We're driving along a snow slush road, in a huge city that I don't ever remember seeing in real life. He's telling me that no matter what happens, he'll always be able to find me. I look at him and smile. Out of all of my family, I love him the most.

My memory of the dream skips again and I walk into the house, peeling off a sweatshirt and sit down on the edge of my bed. It's daylight outside, and I am more than ready to go to sleep. He walks in.
"Come on. It's time to go and see him" (He said a name, I can't remember it now)
"Really? It would have been nice of you to tell me that before I sat down and prepared myself for sleep." Things blur in and out of perspective because I'm feeling worried and concerned. "Him" He's a drug dealer, and my fear is justified but I don't want make him go alone. I go where he goes. We're family.

We're in the car, he's driving us up to the mountains and we're talking. I look at his face then down at his hand where his knuckles are purple and split from an injury earlier that week. I reach up and brush my fingers over his, careful not to touch his middle and ring finger which are also black and blue.
"Are you okay?"
He looks at me and I slip my hand under his, holding his hand.
"Of course I'm okay." He holds my hand back, and his hand feels just like I remember, rough, workers hands. He used to do construction, own his own business.
"What about the accident?" In real life, Nathan was just in a terrible accident, he walked away, but the woman he t-boned didn't, I don't know what's happened to her...the tests for him came back; alcohol:nothing drugs:nothing, I was so relieved, not going to jail...
"What about the accident, I mean, why didn't you tell me?"
He looked back at him as I brushed my fingers along his palm. He understood me and smiled.
Everything's okay. We twined our fingers together, I briefly thought that anyone who'd see us would think we're lovers. I knew that I loved him with all of my heart, and knew that we understood each other perfectly. We're family.
We pulled up at a gas station, Nathan got out and moved to the door.
"Come on."
I thought that surely a drug dealer wouldn't be using something so public as a gas station.
"I'm come to see him." Again, he said his name, but I can't remember it.
"Sorry, don't know anyone by that name." The stony faced gas attendant replied, I could see the ripple of panic move over Nathan's body, fueled by desperation and withdrawal.
"I'm telling you I'm here to see him! I already paid him all of my fucking money!!" He doubled over and I rested my hands on his back as he sobbed, tearless. I locked eyes with the attendant. "Sorry." I mouthed to him then he mouthed something back, glancing towards his left...my right.
Surely the drug dealer wasn't really there...I looked over at a trailer, on stilts, no stairs going to the top and the entrance was four feet off of the ground. There wasn't a door handle on the rusted old door.
Nathan ran outside to the place, screaming that he knew it, he grabbed something, the door opened. I followed him as he leaped up into the doorway. I moved in as well, a sick feeling twisting my gut. He was going to get stoned again, fucked up, and we were going to be at the mercy of whoever owned this place.

I jerked awake as my mother moved into the room, she told me it's a beautiful day on the beach, I told her I'd be out in a minute. I shifted in bed, looked at the ceiling and made a decision...I wanted to see what happened, so I closed my eyes.

The room was dimly lit, it was like the inside of a dinner, except with carpeted floors. A bar was running along the right side, small booth-like tables along the left. And it was crowded, too many people, the air was too hot. Nathan moved to the bar, passed his ID to a thing man with glasses, his hair in long dreadlocks, he looked Hispanic, but I didn't stare. Instead, I held out my ID as well to him. He looked down at it, "Kentucky?" I looked at it as well, "I'm visiting from out of town." I had forgotten it still had my parent's address on it. He turned with it and walked away, keeping it. I felt the sickness grow, now I had put my parents in danger if anything went wrong. I looked down the bar. Nathan had a gold drink in his hand, beer I wanted to assume, but didn't. Around another gold drink sitting on the bar in front of him was an assortment of pills.
The same gold drink was set down in front of me as I moved to the bar, I didn't touch it.
"Don't take all of those pills." I whispered, wishing that Nathan could hear me, he drank, his eyes clouded with whatever drugs he was getting, his face not his own as he looked around the bar with a smile.
He sat there long enough to finish off another drink then stood.
"We'll be going now. Thank you for your generous hospitality."
I stood as well, everyone looked at us and my heart started to pound in my chest.
"You should really drink up." The dread lock guy said to me from behind the bar.
"No thanks, it's really not my thing." I said back as I moved to the door. Nathan followed, pulling out his wallet and tossing more cash the dealers way. People laughed and alarm bells went off in my head, already ringing, into overdrive. I gulped in the fresh air as I jumped down out of the doorway, was happy to see the cloudy skies and the pavement under my feet.
"Shit, Nathan, they didn't give me my license back." I turned towards the doorway to see people crowding Nathan, him leaning backwards out of the doorway as they jabbed needles into him, pumping him full of something.
"No!" I screamed and lunged forward, grabbing him under the arms and yanked him back, already crying through panic and a rush of adrinnaline. A syringe stabbed into my upper arm and I let out a furious scream and kicked out. A grunt had me knowing my kick landed and I dragged Nathan away from the place. Syringes stuck out of his body, and the one in my arm made the light grow dim slowly as I dragged him along the side of the road.
"Nathan!!" I screamed, the scream echoed around us, cars drove past, kicking up slush and ignoring us. People stared, but didn't stop to help as I pulled his unconscious body with me.
Fear had me moving fast, were they following us?
"Nathan!!" I screamed again, until my voice cracked. He had to wake up, he couldn't be dead. A firetruck moved past us.
"Hey, stop!!" I screamed and a young guy slammed on the breaks, looking at me through the window, annoyed at the interruption.
"T-they have my license!" I screamed and he nodded quickly then sped off.
The world was spinning now, my grip remained tight as an ambulance pulled up.
"Thank you..." I said as the last thing I saw was the ground coming up to meet me. The last thing I heard was a voice, annoyed saying. "Didn't say you could pass out yet."

"Oh good, you're awake." The nurse above me with dark haired pulled into a bun and one of those old nurse hats faded in and out of perspective.
"Nathan..." I mumbled and she frowned as the room went dark again.

"Honey, you really need to wake up and eat." I opened my eyes, I was sitting up in bed, but my vision was tunneled. The nurse this time had short curly blond hair, my head lolled and everything went dark again.

"You have got to get up! There is no way you're still feeling the affects of the drugs." I was on my knees now, looking up at the dark haired nurse as she grabbed my shoulders angrily.
"What's going on?! I don't understand what's going on!!" I screamed, grabbing her shirt in desperation. I swayed and the room went dark.

I opened my eyes and I was standing, my brain felt suddenly clear as I looked at the short haired blond nurse. "You really need to calm down darling." She said to me as she moved towards my IV with a syringe.
"You, it's been you drugging me!" I looked down, a cup of coffee sat on the table next to me, I grabbed it and threw the substance at her, she laughed.
"Always the same thing, every time you figure it out. You're so predictable." She looked amused, ducked a bit when I hurled the cup at her, it smashed again the wall and I lunged, fully expecting to get stabbed by the syringe. I grabbed her arm and she was surprisingly weak as I held her hand still.
"What are you going to do? Stab me with it?" Her eyes were laughing, I blinked a few times, I hadn't thought to do that and with a vicious snarl I turned the needle towards her neck and stabbed her between the neck and shoulder, pumping the drugs into her before shoving her away from me. She stumbled back, fell back into the curtain and into the wall without a sound. She glared hard at me.
"Where the fuck do you think you can go?!" She shouted as she pulled out another syringe, I didn't have the time to be horrified as she stabbed it into her chest, where her heart was with a groan of pain, I just turned and ran from the room. I moved down the hallway, grabbing a long coat along the way and tugged it on. An alarm went off and the door I had gotten to had snapped shut, locking.
"Open this goddamn door right now!"I looked up at a man next to me, a doctor in scrubs and felt my heart sing as the door snapped open. I moved to the main doors, it was snowing outside and everything just looked gray. I ran out of the door, and didn't stop running.
Nathan, where was Nathan? Those thoughts flew through my mind as I ran along the street, barefooted through the slush, I wouldn't stop. He said he would find me no matter what, and I wasn't about to get caught again.
I glanced to my left as a car pulled up, a dark silver car, the door swung open. Nathan looked at me, his face serious but relieved. I felt tears gather in my eyes as I jumped into the car.

Before the door closed I woke up. It had been a little under two hours since Mom had woken me up this morning.

I found myself debating on whether or not I should call him today, so far I've decided against it. My thoughts may change though.

It was the most detailed dream I have had in a long time...I wonder if I could see what would happen in the end if I went back to sleep.