Society Loves Liars.

Smile, be polite, ask "How are you doing today?" and no matter what type of response they give you, if it involves "...how are you?" don't say how you're actually doing.

I mean, a customer doesn't want to know that your dog just died, that you have a growth on the back of your left ankle that you really need to get checked, and employees are the same way.

Being polite often times=lie.

Isn't it just easier to lie and cover the truth? Often times it seems easier than to solve problems between people, or for yourself.

How are you doing today?

Well, I felt overly tired this morning even though I went to bed at a decent time, I drove to work and futilely called my boyfriend who, like normal, didn't answer; though he did manage to call me back as I was shoving my phone in my locker, I failed to answer.

Soon after I felt sick, ran two the bathroom twice to empty the contents of my stomach that just so happens were already empty since I woke up fifteen minutes late and there was nothing I could take for breakfast on the road.

I got a break, I ate something that wasn't on my diet and felt a bit better, went back to work, managed to keep it down, went to lunch, ate the same thing and 800 out of 1200 calories later I was back at work where I stayed in returns until it was time for me to leave.

I seriously think it was the longest six hours of my life.

Came home, sat on the couch and fell asleep for a whole ten minutes after being licked to near death by the gremlin that is my dog and then played scrabble for hours with my parents while eating an egg salad sandwich that I fear isn't going to go over well with my currently very sensitive stomach.

These are the times I'm glad that I don't live with roommates/boyfriend.

Met a new guy at work, his name is Michael, he's 27, 6'5, and he likes hitting on me for fun to see what colors my face turns.

His line from today was, when I teased him and told him to stop teasing me, fraternizing wasn't allowed and he got real close and leaned down and whispered "Well darlin', what I want to do with you is a bit beyond fraternizing, it's starts with an 'f' too though." then winked and walked off while I tried to control the color of my face.

Everytime he passes by me, he does something goofy and by the end of the day I found myself start to smile even before he said anything. He's fond of using my head as an arm rest as well. I'm glad I found another person to joke around with at work.

I'm currently stalling on writing things for my book...I think I'm lazy, as a matter of fact, I'm so lazy I don't think I want to sit up and be on the computer tonight which means my talking with Keith'll be limited since he's too chicken to call me at an AM past 12 for fear of his mother bitching or doing something of the sort I suppose.

I'm not becomming bitter at all, am I?

I wore a hat today at work, not sure why but it was nice to not have the light in my eyes all day even if I did look dorky.

Tomorrow I work a stupid mid-shift again, but then I get to be off on Friday, that's exciting anyways. But on Saturday...urgh...I have to get up at six am to open, but at night I'm going to a garden wedding with my mother which should be wicked fun. Hm...what to wear.

Oooh, the hottie Aaron is going to be there I hope!

I think this post is all over the place...

If you like soundtrack/background music, check out the group Two Steps From Hell's songs Freedom Fighter, Equus, and Calamity. They're neat.

Well, I suppose I'll attempt to call Keith one more time before giving up on him for the night then going to lay down in my nice and squishy bed.

At This Very Moment...

I am so very content.

Today I was awakened by the not so soft ring of my phone, when I rolled over to grab it, it was my father informing me that he was getting ready to get into the shower and for me to get up so we can go and eat lunch and see a movie.

We unfortunately had a miscommunication about what time the movie started so we left too early but ended up blowing time by going to Half Price Books, where I spend twenty dollars on four manga (Fruits Baskets 1-3 and Tramps Like Us 2) and two movies (Spriggan and Golden Eye) while he spent his time drooling over the vinyl records and the marked down history books.

He was in a good mood all through lunch (Which we ate at Subway and thanks to my crash course diet I ate Wheat bread...wasn't TOO bad.), and when we saw District 9 (Fucking fantastic movie, by the way) he liked it so much he was practically bouncing as he walked.

We then met up with Mom at this wonderful little restaurant called Cosi and had dinner (I ate once again according to my diet. I'm so proud of myself T_T). Dad wanted to go back to half price books to see if there was a movie he could find that he wanted to watch at work tonight and ended up buying the new King Kong while I browsed once again finding seven more manga (Fruits Baskets 5,6, 14, 15, Demon Diary ((Yay for yaoi!)) 1 &2 and Kaikan Phrase 1) and two journals which I promptly bought for another twenty dollars. I was in heaven, and all of the manga was nearly mint condition.

We then went home where Mom and Dad are taking a nap and where I just finished reorganizing my bookshelf to make room for my 11 new manga.

One of the best parts is, is that for once I don't have buyers remorse for buying all of that manga which is usually ten dollars and change which would have make it over $110 because I bought them all plus two movies and two journals for a little over forty bucks.

I am a great shopper!

I want to go shopping there again!

Half Off Books is my new love, especially when they have decent and decently kept up books.

Now I'm just waiting for the boyfriend to make a grand entrance so we can start our date night!

Hm...I wonder if I can convince him to watch more Hana Yori Dango (Live Action Drama) with me.

^^V

No Go.

So, we're not having our normal date night tonight...he's sick and exhausted so he's sleeping.

I'm...surprisingly incredibly disappointed about it, it's not his fault, but I haven't talked to him a whole lot the last few days and was looking forward to tonight...

Oh well...

There's always next week.

So he'll rest and get better and then things'll be back to normal, I can deal with that.

But...

SQUEE!!!

Samantha's coming to see me!!!!!!!!! She's my bestest friend ever from high school and she's back in the states and is coming to seeeeeee me!!!

SO FUCKING EXCITED!

A Work In Progress...

In high school I met this guy. He would have been someone for my mother to drool over if she were my age, sandy hair, blue eyes, dressed like a geek from another planet. He was a great student, a good kid all around, never stepped out of the box in the public eye, or even at home. He was an average Joe.

Apparently I met him at a party of a mutual friend, and when I say party, I mean birthday party full of snacks and watching her favorite anime. Her name was Abigail and she was one of the most magnetically attractive people that I had ever met. Her personality was sparkling and she was gracious and loving to everyone she met; I guess she had attracted him as well.

I don't remember a lot about that night (my brain tends to block memories of the good quality) but the parts I do remember were me being my dorky self, and also being the type of person who would rather be one on one with someone instead of being in a group so I asked him if he wanted to go outside with me. I vaguely remember sitting on the curb and talking, but I don't know about what. And I remember sitting in his SUV listening to music, and being pretty sure he was showing off, but I don't remember the music. And I remember hopping around on the grass and 'killing' it then he would 'bring it back to life'; I remember his smile and I remember my thoughts of 'this guy needs help with something'.

I think I was sixteen when we met, and that was the year I had looked my best, and that was the year before I had decided to leave to go and live with Jared.

We met again at the homecoming dance. I had cut my hair at some point in time, and there was a fading red streak in the front of it that just happened to match my outfit. If I didn't stand out enough in high school for being one of the tallest women, and the one known for being slightly scary and the leader of the 'outcast' group I most certainly made an impression then. I wore a kimono, and even though when I got there, and I felt all sorts of foolish for being the only one not in a skimpy dress I was still myself. Many of the teachers there commented and I'm sure later laughed about it together later but I wasn't there to fit in.

I think I danced for maybe a total of thirty minutes, and were there for a few hours at best. I remember meeting him again, in the cafeteria I think, and remembering his face, then I remember sitting on a bench near the doors leading out to the weight room and track and talking. I can remember the color of the lights on his face, and I can remember talking about Jared a bit as I was prone to do but I don't remember the rest of our conversation. At some point in time we got up and did a walk of the caff, and I saw a lot of my friends whole I greeted with bubbly enthusiasm and then the rest of the night is blank in my head.

I couldn't tell you when we met again, but I can tell you that we met often, and I enjoyed being with him more than he could imagine.

It was well known that he had a rather large crush on me, but I was never romantically interested, and most of the time I was giving him a hard time about not living his own life, and not going out and having fun.

There was something about him that reminded me of my other friends that I had acquired in high school. He needed help, and I was hell bent to help him. He needed to be let out of his restricting box, he had a light in him that was completely smothered by his parents, and by himself, and the person he showed everyone everyday wasn't who he was in the inside.

I argued with him every time he said he had to leave, he would say 'I don't have a choice.' or 'I can't stay, I have to go.' in which every time I would angrily respond that 'everyone has a choice, always, don't say you can't do something when you can make the choice to stay with me. To have fun and live.' In the end, he always left and I was always angry. At him, at myself for asking him to stay when I knew he wouldn't, for making the things I remembered the most the things that meant the least to me.

His parents hated me, they met me for a total of three minutes the first time we met, and right off the bat you could see that they loathed me. That made things harder than they had to be. If he told them he was with me, they'd be angry at him for making poor decisions, if he lied to them and told them he was with someone else he'd spend his time thinking of them finding out.

To take his mind off of my unavailable self I tried to set him up with as many girls as I knew. There was Freidi, a German exchange student who gave me the dragon on the necklace I wear all of the time; I think if she could have stayed, they would be getting married today. They were perfect for each other, both smart and good looking, and she had a warm glow about her always. Then there was Andrea, who I'm glad he never hit it off with, she was too young and oddly mature at the same time and there is no way he would have been able to handle her. At some point in time it was Kassie, who he never went for, then there was Samantha who was going to go to prom with him but ditched him for Brad who used to be Andrea's boyfriend, and Andrea ended up being his date (That's a story for another day). The last one I tried to set him up with was someone he hadn't met in person, that was a mistake for many reasons. She was too strong for him, he wasn't brave enough to be able to go and see her or call her or anything, and that was the first real crack in our friendship whether he noticed it or not.

I was jealous, but I'm unsure why. I think it was because he was my friend first, and now that he was claiming he loved her and whatnot he kept pushing me farther and farther away. Her relationship and mine stayed the same for the most part (but this story isn't about her). By then I think I was living with Jared, so I wouldn't see him anyway, being seven states away.

At some point in time we kind of stopped talking, I'm sure we talked once in a while in between things, but between his first relationship in college before the last girl I set him up with and him always talking about his relationship, then with various other things that happened in his life we lost touch. I didn't try to talk to him, and he didn't try to talk to me. His parents got their wish.

I guess about a year later, I had talked to him off and on and we talked quite a bit again, I told him he should come and visit me at my apartment. Jared and I were over, and I was still grieving for that fact. I was living alone and I spent my days going to work at McDonald's and my nights going to school. I made no friends outside of work, and every weekend I had off I went to my grandparents house.

He came to my apartment three times, the thing I remember most about those visits was it being pitch black, and I had gone out and bought glow sticks. We were wearing them and dancing around like idiots, laughing and having a great time. I also remember being in the bathroom with him, his hands on me pushing me back against the wall and his mouth on mine as his hands roamed where ever I'd let them.

I cried. I cried because it wasn't Jared, and I cried because I wanted it to be Jared and that was a shitty thing to do to my friend. Though he was male and I'm sure at the time he wouldn't have minded my reasoning to let him live a fantasy I didn't want to hurt him that way.

We tried it again, and yet again I still couldn't get passed kissing him. It didn't feel right even though it had to of been a half a year or longer since Jared and I were through.

We had watched a movie, a hilarious movie that wasn't supposed to be that funny, I don't remember the name of it but the penis robot was too much at the end and we couldn't stop laughing and staring in horror.

At some point in time we fell out of touch again, even though I'm sure we had conversations and another visit or two in between, I can't recall them in my head.

I went to college, many miserable things happened to me, Jared asked me out again which lasted a whole two weeks. I couldn't stand the pressure I felt like I was under all of the time with him, and I do mean literal pressure. My heart hurt all of the time so I told him I couldn't do it, he agreed and we broke up mutually and evenly that time.

Meanwhile I can't say what he had been up to in college, except for making a new close friend and getting laid quite a few times I believe and then one night, not horribly long ago I saw him online, and I said hello.

We talked a lot then, and I helped save his relationship that he was having trouble with because fixing things is what I do best, and in the end, I ended that relationship myself when something inside of me clicked.

He was with the wrong woman.

I ran over it in my head again and again, what the hell was wrong with me? I didn't want him! How could I want him?! It was the dorky guy from high school, the one who was crushing on me who I had set up many times and who could never live up to my expectations because not once did he stay for me.

It didn't add up in my head and so I made a decision to go and see him before he graduated.

He thought he wasn't going to be able to see me, but he made it work somehow. It was so very awkward at first, I didn't hug him when I saw him, and I'm sure I looked oh-so-great in my travel clothes. We went to eat sushi then stashed my car at a hotel since I didn't have a visitors pass.

At some point in time it suddenly wasn't awkward anymore and I can't remember the last time I had so much fun. We goofed around and wrestled like we did in high school, played games and walked around campus and at some point I kissed him. The look on his face was so comical I can't believe I kissed him again without cracking up. He was unresponsive and having what looked to be a damn hard time processing it.

It wasn't awkward feeling, I didn't feel dirty or out of place when he kissed me back. It felt painfully right. I should have felt like a slutty little home wrecker, he had a girlfriend but I didn't fucking care, it felt right and I felt right and his hands on me felt right and I could have cried with the relief of it all. For those few days, he was mine.

Anxiety consumed me when I left, because he didn't want to leave his girlfriend, he wanted to give it a chance. I told him he had to tell her, that it was her right to know and I felt like a slimy, nasty slug. I had ruined a relationship, I had ruined some poor girls heart.

In the end, he broke up with her. We didn't start dating for a few weeks, then I decided I wanted June 1st to be the first day. Hey, easy to remember and nothing else interesting happens in June.

It's amazing, how I don't feel guilty now that I ruined their relationship. Apparently it had been on it's way out anyway...but still, doing something like that wasn't like me. But then again, maybe I'm not the same person I thought I was.

All I know is, is that when I was with him, he wasn't the same as he used to be. He basically looked the same, with his great smile and pretty blue eyes, but he dressed like a normal human and the confidence he lacked in high school was there in person, and the attraction that I never had for him was suddenly there, clinching my stomach in not so uncomfortable ways and making my heart beat faster when his fingers would tangle in my hair.

Now we're together, talking on the phone nearly every night much to his mother's extreme displeasure which she voices every now and then, but he has yet to back down and agree to her asking him to just not call me. She doesn't know we're dating, and the thought of her knowing kind of scares me. I already ruined one of his female relationship, I'd rather not ruin the one most men hold above all others.

We've already had our rough spots, it being a currently long distance relationship which I cannot stand having again, and with the fact that neither one of us can afford to go and see the other at the moment. But we're trying and I have no doubt we'll get what we want in the end. Hey, I'm Kate the Great, I can handle this, no problem.

It's a work in progress...

Whew...

Glad that I discontinued that last post. Depressed ramblings? Bah. Yeah, right. Stupid, useless emotion that it is can just kiss my ass.

*ahem* Anyways, today shall be a day of writing!

Writing what, I'm not sure...but! I shall write none the less!

As soon as I eat, go pee, and finish up the Soul Caliber III game. -coughs-

So, must get started!

Depressed Ramblings, Please Don't Pay Them Attention.

I'm losing time.

I feel like, for some weird reason, that I'm running out of time; my life's currently a waste, I'm not making an effort to better it with the exception of paying off my debt to get back into school.

I always...