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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Fuck

I feel a breakdown coming on, and for no damn reason that's good enough to merit a breakdown. I just feel like crying and screaming and pulling my hair out.

My grandmother is coming tomorrow, and I have to clean my room tonight which could take hours upon hours to do because I just brought home a shitload of stuff from my apartment. I'm also hungry, but of course there isn't a damn thing in the house to even munch on and when Mom mentioned me taking her card to go and get something to eat I just sighed in a bitchy way and declined because I don't feel like driving, and even if I did my gas light came on in my car and I have no fucking money to get gas with, so I'll already have to ask her with that.

Then I get paid tomorrow, which would be great except for the now $200+ overdraft fee I have and the $275 that's coming out of my check to go to school loans. I don't have enough money to cover both and Mom said she'd help me but of course either forgot or decided to just let me get more overdrafts.

I have to work tomorrow, but not enough to get an hour lunch which means I can't go home and eat and there isn't anything to take for lunch and I don't have any money to get lunch...so I'll end up not eating. I actually have to work for the next six days...six of eight, I believe I've mentioned this...did I mention that it's over the busy weekend+Monday of the year? And I have to close which means I'll be there for most likely 11hours?

Did I mention that today at work I was lifting these rather large jugs of water and pulled out my left shoulder...at least, it cracked and now is starting to throb in an interesting way.

Fucking hell. I thought writing all of this crap down would make me feel better, but it is just proving how much of a whiny, pity me, ass I am.

Ugh...and here comes the self-loathing to top it all off.

Fuck me. Stupid ass woman. Stupid ass tantrums and stupid ass PMS. I just need to drown myself.

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