I slept without knowing I was asleep. At some point in time, I moved from my spot on the floor, hands on the laptop keyboard, to the bed, snuggled into the covers and breathing softly.
What did I dream about?
In the morning Mom woke me up, and sunlight streamed through the window and I stretched, sleepy eyed and disoriented.
"Are you going to go and get coffee with us?" She asked as she set down a bag. I nodded and she asked me if I was okay, I nodded again and flopped back onto the pillows, sighing in a satisfied way as there was so much softness I didn't even bounce. She laughed and I shifted uncomfortably then leapt up with a noise.
"I have to pee!" I announced as I ran out of the room and to the bathroom.
Thirty minutes, and having to use men's shampoo later, I emerged from the steam filled bathroom and moved into the bed room.
"Is everyone going?" I heard Pa ask while someone mummbled a conformation. Uncle Michael, Uncle John and Pa would go on ahead in the car while Mom, Granny-Anne and I would follow in the SUV.
"I'll be just a second." I told Mom as I shut the bedroom door.
"Okay hun, you know it's Pa's Birthday today so..." I felt my heartbeat pound uncomfortably, and the rest of her sentence was lost in a strange buzzing noise.
I looked at myself in the mirror. 'That's right, Grandma Sibyl, his mother died two days before Pa's birthday...' I thought as I ran a brush through my wet tangled hair. 'His Dad died two days after.' I felt slightly ill as I turned and got dressed for the day and walked out into the hallway.
"Ready?" Mom asked and I nodded as she looked me over. "You look cute." She commented as I followed her through the hallway and into the living room then the kitchen where my Grandmother waited.
"Coffee time!" Granny-Anne chimed with her forever heart warming smile.
We stood outside of the coffee shop where we managed to get six large cups of coffee in mulitple types and flavors with multiple shots for $16. The town was alive with locals as we chatted on the sidewalk. I looked around and smiled, this was home for me, this town that's so alive with color with people and with music and art. Pa told stories of his mother as the family laughed and smiled and I found myself becoming uncomfortable as an anxiety attack clawed it's way to the surface. I shifted then acted like I finished my coffee and walked down the sidewalk a ways to the trash can. As I walked back I heard my Uncle John laugh and we all turned.
Traveling on the road was an extremely old lawn mower with it's owner who looked just as old wearing overalls and raising a hand to us in greeting as he passed by. I laughed in good humor then smiled and tilted my head back to look at the mountains.
This was home.
So much life, so many friendly people who wave and smile. Jesus Christ, how could I have ever wanted to leave this place?
When you can drive up a road, close your eyes and breathe in the air and just know, feel you're home and feel how much magic (yes, I said something cheesy as magic) swirls around and fills you, you have something that you should always hope to keep.
Something you'll never lose.
My family is something I've never seen before.
We can be angry at each other, not speak to each other, call each other names or just not see each other for so long then when we need family, when we need each other we all go to the mountain and come together with as strong of a bond as ever.
I don't know anyone with a family like mine, which makes me feel sad, because it's amazing.
Life is...short, someone said, very short but when you have things that can just make you feel alive then it's so worth it, even if it's rare or far in between.
Ah...so cheesy. I'm done now...that was my bit of thought, if it was a thought or thoughts...or...