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Sunday, March 15, 2009

Never ending battle...(Completely emo and venting like, not really made to be read, just made to help myself.)

Everyday is a struggle...

Not just for me, but for most people. All I want to know is how they deal, how do most people who struggle, muck through the shit without completely losing their mind? What makes people capable of keeping their sanity, a special venting technique? Friends to rely on? Something that calms? What if your technique stops working and everything builds until you're head is spinning, your heart is pounding so hard in your chest you think you can feel bones crack, and you feel the hysteria bubble up within you without any self control left to hold it down?

What the fuck am I even talking about? I don't have it bad, there isn't anything wrong with my fucking life compared to most. I am a spoiled, idiotic fucking bitch who can't make something of herself because she can't stop fucking up.

Suck it up.

Deal with it.

Call me, I'll be there for you.

Just talk to me.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Katie, I'm worried about you.

You're scaring me.

You're crazy, what the hell is wrong with you?

Why are you crying?

Stop being an idiot.

Close down. Turn it off. Lock it away. Stay hidden forever. Leave me the fuck alone. Yes I have issues, so do you, look in the fucking mirror, look at the fucking world. End it. Hide. Run. Be fake. Smile. Laugh. Be convincing. Be real without being you. Just deal with it. Don't cry. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Don't be emotional. Don't be human. Don't take the bait. Breathe. Fade. Disappear, you're good at it...

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