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Thursday, June 18, 2009


I feel like I've reverted, back to being in high school, back into a screaming house full of constant anxiety but only with less friends, less chances to lock myself away into my head until I can breathe again. I try to remind myself that I'm 21, I'm an adult, I'll be 22 next month and I am not a high school kid anymore. I'm not trapped, I don't have to take the shit that is thrown at me, but somehow it still manages to sink into the hard shell I'm forcing myself to cover myself once again.

How did I stand it in high school? How did I deal with getting verbally beaten down all of the time, physically thrown down things, into things while an adult screamed horrible things at me over and over again?

I feel sick for my younger self, and I feel sick for myself now who flinches every time that bastard yells and slams something.

I think I just feel sick all around, so it's time to step back from things and get my head and heart under control for the sake of myself and others.

So! I'll be back and updating morbidly/bitchingly/whiningly like always in a few weeks!

Maybe the break from all the manga reading'll do me some good, because I'll focus on writings!

Ja-mata ne.

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